Remember the terrible fear of the Cold War? Can you remember the hideous fear of sudden annihilation from the sky? We knew we were the good guys. Western Europe and the United States of America were obviously on the side of right. Sure, we had a ton of nukes pointed at everyone and their grandmother but we had the symbolism on our side. Those wacky Commies built a wall, you see. We stood for freedom and they stood for oppression and anyone who was willing to look at the pictures or listen to the speeches knew this because they had a wall. They were so afraid of justice and freedom and unrestricted travel that they had to stack bricks and concrete and top it off with razor wire and spikes like some hideous sundae of oppression because they were wrong.
The Iron Curtain was its name and while it was only a symbol to people in the ‘free world’ it was a powerful symbol. Folks who were right needed no walls and folks who were wrong needed walls. Prisons have walls, the Eastern Bloc had walls ergo they were obviously ninnies and bad guys and sported an inferior political system and probably were late for meetings and farted in elevators and all those other terrible wall builder type of behaviors. Our lack of wall building showed that we were apple pie makers who all mowed grass for old ladies and didn’t accept payment. IT was the exact opposite of might makes right. Our rightness is what gave us might. And we won, dammit. 1991, “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!” And Gorbachev ran right out to the middle of Germany and pounded the wall down, wiping the sweat and port wine stain right off his big forehead. No walls equals we win.
Fast forward. Early twenty-first century and what have we done with our winnings? Well, our allies in Israel are building some walls. Walls between them and those nasty people who made the terrible mistake of never leaving the Middle East and by virtue of building homes, occupying the land for several centuries straight and tending their orchards somehow came to believe that the land actually belonged to them. Somehow, when they got violent about their homes and lands being taken from them this was seen as very unneighborly and they now deserve to be attacked and killed for throwing rocks at tanks. That’ll teach them. Lord knows that over here in the land of the free you aren’t allowed to shoot at trespassers and thieves, right?
Now, we are in Iraq. Some folks there don’t get along. Sunni and Shia mix like oil and water it seems and a strong arm was keeping them apart. Now, do not misunderstand me. I am not defending the principles of the now dead Mr. Hussein. But let us please be honest about the blame for the Middle Eastern situation. Much of it lies at the feet of whatever bastard in England was allowed to goof all over the map of the Fertile Crescent like a drunken Parkinson’s victim with his own particular crayon of randomness. So how are we fixing it? Tanks and walls. That is right. Drawing artificial lines didn’t teach these people to do what we want when we want so we built a three mile long wall between some Sunni and Shia and there hasn’t been any violence in Iraq since. Wow, we rock!
These stunning successes have taught a valuable lesson. Walls are not just about politics, they work great for controlling brown people. Thus, we are attempting to build a 1,500 mile long wall along our border with Mexico. A few Republican congressmen have actually suggested a wall around Daytona Beach to keep anyone who gets too tan from returning. That is right. A 1,500 mile wall. Now, we know for a fact that no one ever escaped the Eastern Bloc, Palestinians are no longer threatening those fragile Israeli tanks with their nasty slings and rocks (those bullies!) and Iraq has been completely pacified so this wall will, of course, work.
Now, there are already enough tunnels going under the border to provide every stoner west of the Mississippi with enough Mexican Brown Dirt Dope to get through the year. Any moron with a canoe can ease themselves out into the Gulf of Mexico (We need to rename that while we are at it, right? Gulf of Texas has a nice ring!) and land on a Texas beach, assuming people go to Texas voluntarily. And those funky Wright Brothers let their plans get out and it is my understanding that airplanes are actually used down there. But a wall, well, a wall will stop them for sure. Because walls represent freedom, right?
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Ripe and Rotten Fruit...On Tour Now!
“With so much drama in the L-B-C
Its kinda hard bein Snoop D-O-double-G
But I, somehow, some way
Keep comin up with funky ass shit like every single day”
-Snoop
But he doesn’t, does he? I mean, has Snoop come up with “…funky ass shit, like, every single day?”
No. And it isn’t his fault. Well, it is partially his fault but that is as far as I will go. Do you remember Pearl Jam’s first album? Remember the first time you heard the now worn Welcome To the Jungle? Remember Blood, Sugar, Sex, Magic before it became Scabby, Saccharin, Masturbatory, Mundane? What happened? Are you really so much more sophisticated now than then?
No offense to you but I doubt it.
That first public work, at least for musicians, is a monumental task of epic worth. It involves blood sweat and tears, sometimes literally, and changes the band as much as it changes all of us, if done correctly. This awesome act of birth, yes, birth, is painful, beautiful to watch and inspiring even when it brings us something that will later turn into the current Metallica or dump someone like Axl Rose on society at large for the next two to three decades. So why is that the second, third and fourth album so frequently fail to impress? I would argue that there are several reasons.
Me, me, me, now, now, now!!! is the first problem. Not the whiny artists, the whiny consumer. Yes, I loved the subtle grooves and funky lyrics of that first album, too. But can we all stop and realize that, with the exception of pure evil such as Miley Cyrus and Tiffany, talent that inspires many takes a long time to develop. Twenty years is no tome at all to produce a decent singer or guitarist. Twenty five is a decent number and no one ever got hurt by waiting to serve the wine until it was time by letting an artist reach their thirties before wringing some genius and cash out of them. So how is it, that after letting a childhood, lessons, early performances, failed attempts, club dates and broken hearts produce a work of genius, or at least dancability, that we want a follow up within 18 months? Sure, the Beatles kicked our ass over and over again but they are the exception to the rule. Don’t believe me? Go break out all your Led Zeppelin vinyl and listen to them on order of their release. Led Zeppelin rocked, Led Zeppelin IV set a standard, and Physical Graffiti can be listened to but Coda? Seriously? Coda? Get outta here!
The second is need. Not want, need. This secret doesn’t work for sex, well, it doesn’t work for guys and sex, but it does work with music. Hunger makes even Captain D’s seem like good food if you wait long enough. Once the adulation, eager groupies, travel and big money start to sink in you are no longer dealing with the same artist. You are dealing with a spoiled dweeb. Spoiled dweeb is if you are lucky. Frequently you are dealing with a megalomaniacal ass of epic proportions that would make Darth Vader look like a pony-tailed church girl with candy to share. I consider myself a decent human being but if you offer me my fill of nubile college girls, wads of cash and my own jet with a list of riders on my contract letting me describe under what conditions I am willing to pursue my passion with all the free, kinky sex I can take and a small army of sycophantic suck ups I am under no delusion that I will be throwing temper tantrums over my tea being 3 degree off my preferred temperature in just under a heartbeat. You would too, trust me.
This situation cannot be helped by record companies that pursue a steady supply of cash like fat, single girls treat wedding cake. There is maximizing what you have and then there are record companies. These over-industrious leeches think that if an artist doesn’t produce 3 top 10 hits a year they have wasted their investment. As if their investment somehow entailed driving a precocious Kurt Cobain to his guitar lesson at the age of 9 and being forced to sit through his early adolescent poetry. These epic level morons wait until the tree ahs fruit and then stand around looking sharp but useless whining through three seasons that it isn’t time to make jam again yet. But that is another rant.
So, what now? Do we eliminate long-term contracts? Visual artists spent a few centuries showing that they were only as good as their next painting or sculpture and it seemed to work for them. Executing record company executives seems appealing but there are legal difficulties in the effort and there will always be another crop of cocksure asshats lining up to take their places. Educating the public seems like it would work but if that was possible it would have been done by now, Van
Gogh would still have both ears and someone would have kicked the shit out of Mozart’s father when it would have done some good.
What if everyone was a little more patient? You, me, record company executives, that whore who got Van Goghs ear, and even the artists themselves. Is there not enough music? Wouldn’t you rather have your favorite artist produce a whole, heaping mess of genius twice a decade than sit through another mediocre attempt?
Its kinda hard bein Snoop D-O-double-G
But I, somehow, some way
Keep comin up with funky ass shit like every single day”
-Snoop
But he doesn’t, does he? I mean, has Snoop come up with “…funky ass shit, like, every single day?”
No. And it isn’t his fault. Well, it is partially his fault but that is as far as I will go. Do you remember Pearl Jam’s first album? Remember the first time you heard the now worn Welcome To the Jungle? Remember Blood, Sugar, Sex, Magic before it became Scabby, Saccharin, Masturbatory, Mundane? What happened? Are you really so much more sophisticated now than then?
No offense to you but I doubt it.
That first public work, at least for musicians, is a monumental task of epic worth. It involves blood sweat and tears, sometimes literally, and changes the band as much as it changes all of us, if done correctly. This awesome act of birth, yes, birth, is painful, beautiful to watch and inspiring even when it brings us something that will later turn into the current Metallica or dump someone like Axl Rose on society at large for the next two to three decades. So why is that the second, third and fourth album so frequently fail to impress? I would argue that there are several reasons.
Me, me, me, now, now, now!!! is the first problem. Not the whiny artists, the whiny consumer. Yes, I loved the subtle grooves and funky lyrics of that first album, too. But can we all stop and realize that, with the exception of pure evil such as Miley Cyrus and Tiffany, talent that inspires many takes a long time to develop. Twenty years is no tome at all to produce a decent singer or guitarist. Twenty five is a decent number and no one ever got hurt by waiting to serve the wine until it was time by letting an artist reach their thirties before wringing some genius and cash out of them. So how is it, that after letting a childhood, lessons, early performances, failed attempts, club dates and broken hearts produce a work of genius, or at least dancability, that we want a follow up within 18 months? Sure, the Beatles kicked our ass over and over again but they are the exception to the rule. Don’t believe me? Go break out all your Led Zeppelin vinyl and listen to them on order of their release. Led Zeppelin rocked, Led Zeppelin IV set a standard, and Physical Graffiti can be listened to but Coda? Seriously? Coda? Get outta here!
The second is need. Not want, need. This secret doesn’t work for sex, well, it doesn’t work for guys and sex, but it does work with music. Hunger makes even Captain D’s seem like good food if you wait long enough. Once the adulation, eager groupies, travel and big money start to sink in you are no longer dealing with the same artist. You are dealing with a spoiled dweeb. Spoiled dweeb is if you are lucky. Frequently you are dealing with a megalomaniacal ass of epic proportions that would make Darth Vader look like a pony-tailed church girl with candy to share. I consider myself a decent human being but if you offer me my fill of nubile college girls, wads of cash and my own jet with a list of riders on my contract letting me describe under what conditions I am willing to pursue my passion with all the free, kinky sex I can take and a small army of sycophantic suck ups I am under no delusion that I will be throwing temper tantrums over my tea being 3 degree off my preferred temperature in just under a heartbeat. You would too, trust me.
This situation cannot be helped by record companies that pursue a steady supply of cash like fat, single girls treat wedding cake. There is maximizing what you have and then there are record companies. These over-industrious leeches think that if an artist doesn’t produce 3 top 10 hits a year they have wasted their investment. As if their investment somehow entailed driving a precocious Kurt Cobain to his guitar lesson at the age of 9 and being forced to sit through his early adolescent poetry. These epic level morons wait until the tree ahs fruit and then stand around looking sharp but useless whining through three seasons that it isn’t time to make jam again yet. But that is another rant.
So, what now? Do we eliminate long-term contracts? Visual artists spent a few centuries showing that they were only as good as their next painting or sculpture and it seemed to work for them. Executing record company executives seems appealing but there are legal difficulties in the effort and there will always be another crop of cocksure asshats lining up to take their places. Educating the public seems like it would work but if that was possible it would have been done by now, Van
Gogh would still have both ears and someone would have kicked the shit out of Mozart’s father when it would have done some good.
What if everyone was a little more patient? You, me, record company executives, that whore who got Van Goghs ear, and even the artists themselves. Is there not enough music? Wouldn’t you rather have your favorite artist produce a whole, heaping mess of genius twice a decade than sit through another mediocre attempt?
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Bodies or Battles?
Given a choice would you give pleasure or remove it? This is not a complex question. If you had the ability to make everyone on earth as happy as they could be or you could remove all of their joy, which would you choose?
My money says you didn’t even have to pause. I would bet in a heartbeat that you would choose to be the best at giving joy. (If your name is Snape or Lucifer, kiss my tuckus and go watch Fox News) This is why people become singers, teachers, dancers, artist and strippers. Giving joy is not only a great thing to do but it also will be the skill that always leaves you wanted in the market.
Where do we find joy? Brownies probably make you joyful, unless you are diabetic. A job well done may make you joyful but other times it is just tedium. A good piece of music may leave you joyful but eventually it will get old. It may be the 500th time in a row you hear it but it will get old.
So what does work? What works across every culture and throughout time? What brings enough joy to make people risk their lives, surrender their income, start wars, alter their appearance and tell a million lies? Sex, baby! Bumping uglies. Rocking the casbah. Knocking boots. The horizontal mambo. A vigorous game of hide the sausage. The bedroom rodeo.
Now, what removes pleasure? What things can you think of that would remove not only pleasure but any chance of pleasure? Sure, taxes come to mind. So does borscht, if you have retained any knowledge of decent cuisine. However, taxes do not remove all pleasure and there are people who enjoy borscht. I don’t know how, but there are.
How about war? All of it. Not the glorious, identify with the hero, B.S. you get form Hollywood or the stories you were taught to revel in form G.I. Joe cartoons and bad T.V. where you either survive or die instantly but the real version. The ‘My god my face just got ripped off and all I can do is produce guttural screams and moans out of my now-jawless mouth while no one cares because their own asses are on the line’ type of war. The needless suffering and civilian casualty version of war. The part where it doesn’t even matter if you are good at it because artillery can end your pasty ass form miles (or continents in modern warfare) away while you think it is lunchtime type of war. Finish this sentence: “______ is hell.” Not even borscht or taxes fill it adequately. Only war.
War is the end of physical, emotional and intellectual joy. Ask anyone who has lost one, they will tell you. At least the non-maimed, non-paralyzed, still-sane people will tell you. Even the winners come back with scars, seen or unseen. War damages even those who do not participate. Name me a war that stopped so a group of children could get out of the way. Name the war where no innocent person died. Please, list me the wars that included only volunteers who all came out thinking ”Not bad, we should do this again sometime.” Go to a thousand Hallmark stores and you will not find a single “Thanks for the war!” card. Not one.
While we are being so truthful about all of this let’s discuss, well, being truthful. I would not suggest lying as a day to day activity for anyone (questions about buttock appearance in new dresses aside) but I would say we should especially leave it out of anything we choose to call education. Can we agree on that? Telling schoolchildren that the North American continent is made of peanut brittle and the sun is a ball of leftover Christmas lights is not what we, as a society, have as an aim. We attempt to be honest even when we fudge around the edges or use language in tricky ways. (Remember that whole story about Columbus ‘discovering’ a continent that had 10 million people on it? Hell, my local Wal-Mart only has about 400 people in it and I am not allowed to just bop in, plant a flag and claim it!)
So how did we get caught up in debating Sex Education? Seriously, how? We have been duped again. No sane person would even stop to pretend there should be a debate. What is the question anyway? “Well, Bobby, we seem to have a method for people to share near-ultimate bliss and if they don’t know how to do it properly their little peckers will fall off and their lives will be ruined by having to drag a little crotch-monkey to Senior Prom. Not to mention a burning sensation in that particular area of their body with a stunning concentration of nerve ending for the rest of their lives. Should we tell them about it or just expect them to figure this genital rocket science out on their own?” Is that a question any sane person would ask? And that doesn’t even begin to touch on the whole ‘Smart enough to know abuse and name who did it’ protection form Catholic priests and other monsters’ aspect.
How, as a culture, did we fall for the concept of pre-emptive war with far away cultures but stop to argue about whether Dick and Jane should be told how to play with their dicks and, well, janes? Should we not be mastering the equipment we are born with before mastering the taking of human life? And while we are at it, maybe a map to the clitoris for Cletus instead of a map to the Persian Gulf for the Pentagon?
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Haiku, Zen and the Politics of Politics
Lost economy
Like characters on some isle.
Is it all a dream?
Bi-racial Nazi?
Surely not even Glenn Beck
Believes this horse shit
Universal health?
What a national nightmare!
How goes that Oil War?
Democracy dies
If enough people believe
Instead of thinking
Pimps run for Congress
Family Values for sale
Urinal cake smell
Our own FCC
Stares at Janet Jackson’s boob
To protect us all
Health care somehow means
Boners for old men to use
But not birth control.
Kanye, Wilson, Vonnegut. Vonnegut Wins.
The Joe Wilsons and Kanye Wests of the world will burn through more resources this year, more privilege this year, more influence this year than I will have in a lifetime…and it is not enough for them. When did we make these monsters so important?
How is it that these people were able to rise to such influential positions while being unable to recognize their turn to speak? If one cannot recognize the difference between being the invited speaker and being in the audience how do they manage normal conversation?
Kanye is being ripped a new one all over the media, both old and new. Joe Wilson has become a major force in America recognizing that Republicans are not making a good faith effort to work with Democrats to find a solution that benefits America. Poll
We are creating these monsters constantly but there is good news. We could all start reading Vonnegut. Kurt gave us all the advice we need. We must, as a group, look these people in the eye and tell them “To take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut. Take a flying fuck at the mooooon!”
You may think this is happening. Huge news has been made of Joe Wilson’s opponent raising around a million dollars in under 3 days after Joe’s hissy fit in front of the nation. What has not gained as much attention is that Mr. Wilson has raised about 75% of that, started with a larger war chest and has the advantage of being an incumbent.
It is too soon to prove it but I am willing to bet that Kanye West will be allowed into the next VMA. I bet he is allowed into the Grammy Award ceremony as well. And probably the Oscars. Do you think his management and record company are trying to separate themselves from him this morning or celebrating the free publicity?
There is almost always a movement on to ‘Throw the bums out!’ in America. With the current funding structure this is very unlikely to happen. Members of Congress seeking re-election have a success rate over 95%. But how about Kanye? Surely you will get the opportunity to go see a local musician instead of funding his ridiculousness. And writing your Congressman or Senator is always a crapshoot but if you write MTV and explain your vote in economic terms I am willing to bet you get a much better response.
We need more tolerance as a country, this is true. I am going to ask you to realize that, in many ways, we need a lot less tolerance. Remember Vonnegut. Remember that these two have shown no respect for the rights of the speaker, no tolerance for disagreement and no patience. I say we show them the same.
Kick Ass and Chew Bubblegum (With Too Much Emphasis on the Bubblegum)
You are going to hear one now that you do not hear from me too darned often. I think the Republicans have the better game plan. They have finally caught on, after our 233 year experiment in democracy that being right doesn’t matter in a democracy. Getting lots of people to agree with you is all that matters. What kind of scenario would make me retract this and get back behind the Democrats?
How about this scenario: Someone in Washington gathers enough intestinal fortitude to stand up to the nutcases who, with a majority in both houses, the Presidency and free pass from the Supreme Court gave the populace nothing but the largest terror attack ever on our soil, a useless lie of a war, an inability to humble a cave-dwelling opponent and a new name for french fries?
With 20 of 29 years under their near-complete control the Republicans promised to stop abortion and didn’t, promised broad gun rights and failed to deliver, assured America of security they could not deliver, made ‘intelligence’ an oxymoron, and pushed prayer over clear thinking. What did they actually accomplish? They lowered taxes on the rich and drove the economy into the ground. And not a simple drop-the-ball kind of drive it into the ground but a full blown muscley-moustachioed-guy with a sledgehammer Big-Top-tent-stake kind of drove it into the ground. Now, out of power they are still making all the noise.
You see, this is not a war, it is a shouting match. That is what a democracy is now. The Republican shouters may be irrational douchebags in depends carrying pictures of an interracial constitutional scholar with a Hitler moustache Sharpied onto his face but shouting is what they are doing. And shouting is all that matters in a shouting match.
Here is my request to the Democrats: Start kicking asses, start screaming or pull a Palin and quit, go home and bitch incessantly on Facebook.
Not all Republicans are racists. However, enough of them are it should be an embarrassment to the party. Not all Republicans are screaming about Socialism without being able to define it. However, enough are that it should be an embarrassment to the party. Not all Republicans have joined Glenn Beck’s brainless, ignorant horde. But enough have that is should be embarrassing. And guess what? They are not embarrassed. In contrast the Obama administration just ousted a man from the club for calling Republicans ‘assholes’ and daring to think the Bush government didn’t do enough to stop 9/11.
Obama isn’t Hitler. He is starting to look like Pope Pius XII, though. Standing on the sidelines afraid to call a Nazi a Nazi. Perhaps he could take a cue and start defending policy and belief as vigorously as the Catholic Church has defended the pedophiles in its ranks?
How about this scenario: Someone in Washington gathers enough intestinal fortitude to stand up to the nutcases who, with a majority in both houses, the Presidency and free pass from the Supreme Court gave the populace nothing but the largest terror attack ever on our soil, a useless lie of a war, an inability to humble a cave-dwelling opponent and a new name for french fries?
With 20 of 29 years under their near-complete control the Republicans promised to stop abortion and didn’t, promised broad gun rights and failed to deliver, assured America of security they could not deliver, made ‘intelligence’ an oxymoron, and pushed prayer over clear thinking. What did they actually accomplish? They lowered taxes on the rich and drove the economy into the ground. And not a simple drop-the-ball kind of drive it into the ground but a full blown muscley-moustachioed-guy with a sledgehammer Big-Top-tent-stake kind of drove it into the ground. Now, out of power they are still making all the noise.
You see, this is not a war, it is a shouting match. That is what a democracy is now. The Republican shouters may be irrational douchebags in depends carrying pictures of an interracial constitutional scholar with a Hitler moustache Sharpied onto his face but shouting is what they are doing. And shouting is all that matters in a shouting match.
Here is my request to the Democrats: Start kicking asses, start screaming or pull a Palin and quit, go home and bitch incessantly on Facebook.
Not all Republicans are racists. However, enough of them are it should be an embarrassment to the party. Not all Republicans are screaming about Socialism without being able to define it. However, enough are that it should be an embarrassment to the party. Not all Republicans have joined Glenn Beck’s brainless, ignorant horde. But enough have that is should be embarrassing. And guess what? They are not embarrassed. In contrast the Obama administration just ousted a man from the club for calling Republicans ‘assholes’ and daring to think the Bush government didn’t do enough to stop 9/11.
Obama isn’t Hitler. He is starting to look like Pope Pius XII, though. Standing on the sidelines afraid to call a Nazi a Nazi. Perhaps he could take a cue and start defending policy and belief as vigorously as the Catholic Church has defended the pedophiles in its ranks?
Getting the Government Out of Health Care
Another argument against Health Care Reform: “the government messes up everything it touches. Why let them into health care?”
I say we let them win this one. Hand it over to them. Agree in every way that the government should not be involved in funding or regulating any care for health.
First, this will mean getting government agencies at all level away from the abortion debate. Abortions are not provided by shoe salesmen; they are performed by doctors and involve the health of the mother and the fetus. I am so sorry that you have worked so hard to prevent abortion but it has become obvious that your beliefs contradict your actions. Back off.
Next, that sandwich you are stuffing in your face. Every ingredient in it is fair game for a government Health Inspector. No more. If the folks who run the slaughterhouse want to just skim off a little bit of rancid meat on the edges and push the product on to you that is their prerogative. You will also get to find out just how enjoyable it is to have no limits on the amount of rat feces on the grain that made the bun. While we are on the subject there will be no more ingredient lists. This is a government effort and law to protect your health. That nutritional information on the side also becomes fair game for whatever they wish to tell you.
Medicare? Government program, shut it down. Same for Medicaid. These people are already sucking far more money out of the government than they put in. It sounds like this one not only violates the government and healthcare rule but it reeks of socialism. We can’t have that. Oh, and aid to women and infants? Out the window with it. That is just the government interfering in healthcare again.
Remember the outrage about lead in toys coming from China? Well, that is the government interfering in your child’s health. Choking hazards will fall under the same turf. We will just have to give whatever toys you can get to your kids and conduct a long-term experiment by seeing which ones die. It would be terrible to have the government involved in protecting their health, yes?
Oh! The Food and Drug Administration is another one of those nasty, nasty government health programs. Get ready for medications being completely unregulated because we can’t have the government running around screwing that up!
While we have that red marker out we have to hit them all, right? This means six million bucks in cancer research out the window. $16,000,000,000 a year in research funds, including government funding that was instrumental in 15 of the 21 drugs with the greatest therapeutic effect released between 1965 and 1992. Thank goodness we can keep the government form screwing that up!
Now, I am just a humble artist who can’t possibly understand this huge issue so I am quite sure that this list of protections, er, I mean interference by the government in healthcare is by no means exhaustive but all you people against the government screwing up healthcare won’t mind these changes until I can figure out what else needs shut down, right?
Oh, darn! The V.A.! Somebody call all the veterans. They are on their own.
Snake Oil and the Snakes Who Sell It.
One of the arguments I consistently hear conservatives use against Health Care Reform is that “Government can’t get anything right! Why let them into healthcare?” (Right before they get on the interstate to buy a burger that was inspected by a Fed.)
Well, let’s look at some other facts and predictions by our Right-wing brethren, shall we?
It would seem that the Conservatives who argue against government involvement have quite a few favorite lines to throw out. Let’s take a detailed look at their logic using…their logic.
We are just a few years into the experiment but it would appear, according to the numbers, that the divorce rate in Massachusetts has dropped since homosexual couples have been allowed to marry in that state. I guess one group is defending marriage more than the others? They’re here, they’re queer and they’re not getting divorced like you folks who defend marriage.
Shall we touch on those awful weapons of mass destruction in Iraq? Perhaps the Iraqi connection with 9/11? Maybe we should skip those and go right to the part where our troops were met with flowers in the street as liberators. "It could last six days, six weeks. I doubt six months." Ah, Rumsfeld: WRONG! How about G.W. Bush, over six years ago: “Good news to the men and women who fought ... their mission is complete.” WRONG! And six years ago Cheney told us “I think it'll go relatively quickly, …
Weeks rather than months.” When he was asked how long the conflict would last. WRONG!
Karl Rove predicted a majority for Repubs in 2006. That didn’t quite work. He also stated “"The Republican philosophy is alive and well and likely to reemerge in the majority in 2008." Well, isn’t that cute. And wrong. Very, very wrong.
How about Bill Kristol? "If [Hillary Clinton] gets a race against John Edwards and Barack Obama, she's going to be the nominee. Gore is the only threat to her ... Barack Obama is not going to beat Hillary Clinton in a single democratic primary. I'll predict that right now." Wow. Wrong-a-palooza!
Peter Mulhern in 2007- "In this case conventional wisdom is not just wrong but comically so. [Fred] Thompson will win the Republican nomination for two reasons. First, he's a very impressive candidate. Second, there's no realistic alternative. He will win the general election for the same two reasons." Wrong-a-long-a-ding-dong.
Ann Coulter in 2007- "I think it's probably going to be Romney for the Republicans, Hillary for the Democrats." Not even close!
Rudy Guliani in 2008- "We'll win Florida. It's an unconventional strategy, but I've never followed conventional wisdom before; it's always worked." Somebody call Rudy. Tell him he is SO wrong.
Rush Limbaugh- "I think [Obama has] been dead in the water since the primaries.” Ouchies!
"High tech is potent, precise, and in the end, unbeatable. …Look, I want to give the high-five symbol to high tech." —George Bush Sr., on the growing tech bubble. Remember that busting in our faces like a cheap bubble gum bubble?
Do you remember being told that even if you disagreed with the President you should have respect for the office? Guess what- It was a Republican who screamed out his (totally false) opinion in the middle of President Obama’s speech.
Now, this same group, this same mindset, is telling us all that Healthcare reform will be the end of us. They shout the word “Socialism” without being able to define it. They insist, through all of it, that they are compassionate.
How many times can you be sold the same snake oil? How many times can you believe? How many times am I expected to see the same people following the same group making the same bad predictions before it is no longer rude to laugh in your face?
We all know the adage "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and
expecting different results.” So how many times are you going to listen? Really.
Pugilistic Linguists and the Temple of Thought
I am not a linguist, but shouldn’t language become simpler over time? What does it say about our language and specifically about US culture that our language is apparently becoming more convoluted? And can we stop and take a look at how the Conservative movement has taken control of so many situations by taking control of language?
Truthers don’t seem to be too interested in facts. Birthers are not concerned with childbirth, outside of single child’s birth. Freepers are not worried about delivering more freedom. Birchers do not seem to care about the fate of trees.
This bastardization of our language seems to be about normalizing the fringe. I say it is high time that the liberal crowd took advantage of it. We should start labeling things ourselves, we should take over a few words and see if we cannot spread them like wildfire.
Do you believe that two people who love one another should be allowed to marry, regardless of gender? I say you are a ‘Lover.”
Are you of the opinion that health care should be available to all, regardless of income? I dub you a “Carer.”
Would you agree that a homosexual can be patriotic and should be able to demonstrate that patriotism by serving in the armed forces and fighting for their country? I say we call you a “Fighter.”
If someone you know drives a gas hog vehicle capable of carrying eight passengers and they do not regularly carry eight passengers we need a new name for them as well. Hawgs is a label taken year ago by our two-wheeled friends so I suggest we call them ‘Gassy.’
If you believe abortion should only be available to victims of rape, I guess we have to call you a ‘Raper.’
As for those who work against environmental laws and believe that industries should be able to dump more and more poison into our environment; welcome to the debate ‘Dumpers.’
Hannity, Limbaugh, Beck? Well, they keep dumping crap into the debate. ‘Crappers’ it is.
Think about it. And remember that this fight is non-violent and capable of being won.
Truthers don’t seem to be too interested in facts. Birthers are not concerned with childbirth, outside of single child’s birth. Freepers are not worried about delivering more freedom. Birchers do not seem to care about the fate of trees.
This bastardization of our language seems to be about normalizing the fringe. I say it is high time that the liberal crowd took advantage of it. We should start labeling things ourselves, we should take over a few words and see if we cannot spread them like wildfire.
Do you believe that two people who love one another should be allowed to marry, regardless of gender? I say you are a ‘Lover.”
Are you of the opinion that health care should be available to all, regardless of income? I dub you a “Carer.”
Would you agree that a homosexual can be patriotic and should be able to demonstrate that patriotism by serving in the armed forces and fighting for their country? I say we call you a “Fighter.”
If someone you know drives a gas hog vehicle capable of carrying eight passengers and they do not regularly carry eight passengers we need a new name for them as well. Hawgs is a label taken year ago by our two-wheeled friends so I suggest we call them ‘Gassy.’
If you believe abortion should only be available to victims of rape, I guess we have to call you a ‘Raper.’
As for those who work against environmental laws and believe that industries should be able to dump more and more poison into our environment; welcome to the debate ‘Dumpers.’
Hannity, Limbaugh, Beck? Well, they keep dumping crap into the debate. ‘Crappers’ it is.
Think about it. And remember that this fight is non-violent and capable of being won.
The Culture of CaCa
When did the current level of debate sink lower than a sea cucumbers fartmaker? When did conversing in order to find a truth or compromise die a messy, painful death and leave a bloated carcass in the sun to mark where a chance for consensus once stood?
It would seem that the current infatuation with anti-intellectual clap-trap snuck up on us, which is embarrassing. It was about as stealthy as one of those giant walking tanks from the last decent Star Wars movie but it ninjaed right up behind the whole country and slapped an atomic wedgie on our best opportunity of improving our culture at the expense of Glenn Beck and Keith Olbermann getting a shoulder ride around the gym while Formal Argument got a swirly in the locker room. And then, suddenly, it stood on our neck and called our mother names. Making a sound argument or appealing to supposedly universal ethics now make you as popular as a cello player at the football rally. How did that happen?
When was it that facts became the mullets of conversation? When was it that opinion came to be a flamethrower with attached shotgun and fact became the annoying hum from your fridge everyone has learned to ignore? What seismic shift occurred that led so many of us to believe that believing was more important than knowing and that knowing had nothing to do with proving? And when did proving come to be considered the social equivalent of spitting in someone else’s Big Gulp?
The surest proof of this final surrender is in the number of people who use the phrase “Nothing can change my mind.” If nothing can change your mind I don’t think you can actually call your skull-filler a mind. Even a rat will take the better way through amaze once it has been made apparent.
However it happened, it is too late to stand around placing blame like an overweight accident investigator. Let us fight back! How? Intolerance! The next time someone insists that their opinion is as valid as any fact treat them like a telemarketer with a lisp and thick accent. And even that is not enough. It is time to start reacting to sound arguments like chocolate in chocolate sauce with a chocolate filling. Congratulate people when you hear them being brave enough to cite a valid source. Give footrubs to the rational, offer a ride to anyone willing to debate clearly. Get out the carrot AND the stick. It isn’t too late.
It would seem that the current infatuation with anti-intellectual clap-trap snuck up on us, which is embarrassing. It was about as stealthy as one of those giant walking tanks from the last decent Star Wars movie but it ninjaed right up behind the whole country and slapped an atomic wedgie on our best opportunity of improving our culture at the expense of Glenn Beck and Keith Olbermann getting a shoulder ride around the gym while Formal Argument got a swirly in the locker room. And then, suddenly, it stood on our neck and called our mother names. Making a sound argument or appealing to supposedly universal ethics now make you as popular as a cello player at the football rally. How did that happen?
When was it that facts became the mullets of conversation? When was it that opinion came to be a flamethrower with attached shotgun and fact became the annoying hum from your fridge everyone has learned to ignore? What seismic shift occurred that led so many of us to believe that believing was more important than knowing and that knowing had nothing to do with proving? And when did proving come to be considered the social equivalent of spitting in someone else’s Big Gulp?
The surest proof of this final surrender is in the number of people who use the phrase “Nothing can change my mind.” If nothing can change your mind I don’t think you can actually call your skull-filler a mind. Even a rat will take the better way through amaze once it has been made apparent.
However it happened, it is too late to stand around placing blame like an overweight accident investigator. Let us fight back! How? Intolerance! The next time someone insists that their opinion is as valid as any fact treat them like a telemarketer with a lisp and thick accent. And even that is not enough. It is time to start reacting to sound arguments like chocolate in chocolate sauce with a chocolate filling. Congratulate people when you hear them being brave enough to cite a valid source. Give footrubs to the rational, offer a ride to anyone willing to debate clearly. Get out the carrot AND the stick. It isn’t too late.
Health, Terror, Belief.
What is the greater likelihood: that Al Qaida will target your home or that you will be refused medical care?
We have spent the almost eight years being told we should be afraid of Al Qaida coming to get us. Al Qaida has struck no American school, no American home. Refusal to cover basic medical procedures has struck millions. Bankruptcy caused by medical bills strikes more people, more families, everyday. The youngest victim of 9/11 was two, the oldest was 85. Lack of healthcare strikes Americans of every age.
There is no way to absolutely stop terrorism. If some faction, somewhere in the world, decides to strike us there is no way to stop them from driving a car into a gas station, damaging the piers of the bridge you travel most frequently, possibly spreading a silent, invisible disease. These people, filled with hate, can strike you or me.
But you can save me from not having healthcare. You can take preventative measures to protect yourself should you or your spouse lose their jobs and thus lose their health benefits or, at least as common, finding out that the insurance you have paid for year after year just flat refuses to cover a needed procedure or treatment. And it will not slow you down at the airport or keep you from travelling freely. How about we create universal health insurance through the group that has the lowest overhead for such service?
Is any percentage of your income more important than humanitarian care? Does your religion not tell you that you are, indeed, responsible for caring for others? Is your greed for 300 cable channels, a bigger car and another vacation so great that a child should die for it?
You pay for roads and education for others and these things will not prevent an untreated illness form mutating into something that kills a member of your family. Are you so secure in your income and absolute marketability that you are positive you will never need this care? IS your position in life permanent? If it is, feel blessed…and responsible for helping another.
If you are a Christian can you not spare a few more dollars, even a lot more of your paycheck, for others after someone else died for you? Did Christ not compel you to charity? (Matthew 25:31-46) If you are a Muslim does the Zakat not compel you to care for your brother and sister?
I hear a lot that the current proposal is being rushed, but universal healthcare has been near the forefront of political debate since Clinton took office in 1992. That is 17 years, far more time than we have debated our right to start any war. I hear people stating that they support reform but it must be done better than the current plans aims. Does this mean we cannot impose this plan to protect ourselves until you come up with a better one?
Think on it. Think on it without outside influence. Pretend you mother is watching. Know your God is watching.
We have spent the almost eight years being told we should be afraid of Al Qaida coming to get us. Al Qaida has struck no American school, no American home. Refusal to cover basic medical procedures has struck millions. Bankruptcy caused by medical bills strikes more people, more families, everyday. The youngest victim of 9/11 was two, the oldest was 85. Lack of healthcare strikes Americans of every age.
There is no way to absolutely stop terrorism. If some faction, somewhere in the world, decides to strike us there is no way to stop them from driving a car into a gas station, damaging the piers of the bridge you travel most frequently, possibly spreading a silent, invisible disease. These people, filled with hate, can strike you or me.
But you can save me from not having healthcare. You can take preventative measures to protect yourself should you or your spouse lose their jobs and thus lose their health benefits or, at least as common, finding out that the insurance you have paid for year after year just flat refuses to cover a needed procedure or treatment. And it will not slow you down at the airport or keep you from travelling freely. How about we create universal health insurance through the group that has the lowest overhead for such service?
Is any percentage of your income more important than humanitarian care? Does your religion not tell you that you are, indeed, responsible for caring for others? Is your greed for 300 cable channels, a bigger car and another vacation so great that a child should die for it?
You pay for roads and education for others and these things will not prevent an untreated illness form mutating into something that kills a member of your family. Are you so secure in your income and absolute marketability that you are positive you will never need this care? IS your position in life permanent? If it is, feel blessed…and responsible for helping another.
If you are a Christian can you not spare a few more dollars, even a lot more of your paycheck, for others after someone else died for you? Did Christ not compel you to charity? (Matthew 25:31-46) If you are a Muslim does the Zakat not compel you to care for your brother and sister?
I hear a lot that the current proposal is being rushed, but universal healthcare has been near the forefront of political debate since Clinton took office in 1992. That is 17 years, far more time than we have debated our right to start any war. I hear people stating that they support reform but it must be done better than the current plans aims. Does this mean we cannot impose this plan to protect ourselves until you come up with a better one?
Think on it. Think on it without outside influence. Pretend you mother is watching. Know your God is watching.
Too Much Free Time...
I am consistently amazed at people using the phrase “Too much free time on their hands.” It is almost always spoken in response to someone producing, with no damage to anyone else, a quirky, odd or mildly entertaining bit of creative output.
Put a costume on your pet duck? “That guy has too much free time on their hands!”
Edit a video to make it funnier and post it online? “That woman has too much free time on their hands!”
Decorate your entire basement with nothing but Sharpie markers? “That idiot has too much free time on their hands!”
What if this criticism had struck Walt Disney, Leonardo Da Vinci or Mikhail Baryshnikov while they fumbled around looking for the best way to express their vision?
I would like to ask a favor of you. The next time you feel the urge to utter this phrase stop and think. Why are you pointing it at the people who manage to combine creative with harmless and entertaining?
Let us try a slight paradigm shift. How about we all save this particular phrase for the non-creative, for the harmful and for the not so entertaining?
Protestor who avoids constructive action or debate in favor of standing in the street with a sign? “THAT person has too much free time on their hands!”
Nuisance lawsuit? “THAT person has too much free time on their hands!”
Attempting to FORCE your beliefs on others? “THAT person has too much free time on their hands!”
I realize that criticism of the harmless is far from the worst of our culture’s ills but perhaps for just a day or a week we could aim this particular criticism away from the harmlessly creative and towards the maliciously disruptive.
Try it for a bit. It won’t take much effort and may leave you with a little extra time on your hands.
Put a costume on your pet duck? “That guy has too much free time on their hands!”
Edit a video to make it funnier and post it online? “That woman has too much free time on their hands!”
Decorate your entire basement with nothing but Sharpie markers? “That idiot has too much free time on their hands!”
What if this criticism had struck Walt Disney, Leonardo Da Vinci or Mikhail Baryshnikov while they fumbled around looking for the best way to express their vision?
I would like to ask a favor of you. The next time you feel the urge to utter this phrase stop and think. Why are you pointing it at the people who manage to combine creative with harmless and entertaining?
Let us try a slight paradigm shift. How about we all save this particular phrase for the non-creative, for the harmful and for the not so entertaining?
Protestor who avoids constructive action or debate in favor of standing in the street with a sign? “THAT person has too much free time on their hands!”
Nuisance lawsuit? “THAT person has too much free time on their hands!”
Attempting to FORCE your beliefs on others? “THAT person has too much free time on their hands!”
I realize that criticism of the harmless is far from the worst of our culture’s ills but perhaps for just a day or a week we could aim this particular criticism away from the harmlessly creative and towards the maliciously disruptive.
Try it for a bit. It won’t take much effort and may leave you with a little extra time on your hands.
Cowards, Cultists and the Close-minded.
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away I was told that the beauty of America was that ANYONE could grow up to be President. We were encouraged, even in that more sheltered time, to explore ideas and situations, to find out all we could.
And now? Now I look around me, ear to the wind, and see a significant portion of America howling that their child should not be “exposed” to a speech by the President of the United States of America.
I understand not agreeing with the President. I understand not liking President Obama’s ideas, ideals, goals and methods. I understand not wanting one’s children to think like the sitting President. I understand, and would defend to the death, the ability and right of people to feel this way.
I do NOT understand anyone who is so insecure, as incomplete as a person, so singularly unevolved as a thinker that they would stand against their child hearing what the President has to say. I can think of very few people who could speak in such a way that a child should not hear them.
Assuming these children are in schools with history lessons they will be exposed to the words of Hitler, a mass murderer and racist and genocidal maniac. They will be exposed to the words of slave-owners, pagans, heathens, witch-burners, conquerors, the deluded and insane. Shall the schools have to ask parental permission to expose their children to history? How about to the genocides, rapists and murderers of the bible?
As we move through the twenty first century we wish to show the world who we are. As Americans we are constantly watched and judged. Are we attempting to show the world’s despots, terrorist and war-mongers that we are this cowardly? This country was built on the backs and in the minds of men and women who were raised exposed to the harshness of the wilderness, the ravages of war, the vagaries of disease and the realities of disparate ideas. Are we raising citizens or marshmallows? Are we going to continue to play the words of Osama Bin Laden on every TV screen and hide from the words of our own elected President?
If you wish for a barometer of any society’s trajectory I would point you towards the level of fear they have towards ideas. Ideas and words. Are we rearing the generation that will leave the nest only to recoil at the hideous discovery that there are people in the world, well meaning people, who disagree with mommy and daddy? Are we prepared for our children, on their own and moving as adults to collapse under the weight of disagreement the moment they leave the protective measure of their childhood homes?
For shame. For shame America for letting this situation ever arise. When did the failure come that allowed a fear of a simple idea or speech to be so dangerous as to crush their values?
And now? Now I look around me, ear to the wind, and see a significant portion of America howling that their child should not be “exposed” to a speech by the President of the United States of America.
I understand not agreeing with the President. I understand not liking President Obama’s ideas, ideals, goals and methods. I understand not wanting one’s children to think like the sitting President. I understand, and would defend to the death, the ability and right of people to feel this way.
I do NOT understand anyone who is so insecure, as incomplete as a person, so singularly unevolved as a thinker that they would stand against their child hearing what the President has to say. I can think of very few people who could speak in such a way that a child should not hear them.
Assuming these children are in schools with history lessons they will be exposed to the words of Hitler, a mass murderer and racist and genocidal maniac. They will be exposed to the words of slave-owners, pagans, heathens, witch-burners, conquerors, the deluded and insane. Shall the schools have to ask parental permission to expose their children to history? How about to the genocides, rapists and murderers of the bible?
As we move through the twenty first century we wish to show the world who we are. As Americans we are constantly watched and judged. Are we attempting to show the world’s despots, terrorist and war-mongers that we are this cowardly? This country was built on the backs and in the minds of men and women who were raised exposed to the harshness of the wilderness, the ravages of war, the vagaries of disease and the realities of disparate ideas. Are we raising citizens or marshmallows? Are we going to continue to play the words of Osama Bin Laden on every TV screen and hide from the words of our own elected President?
If you wish for a barometer of any society’s trajectory I would point you towards the level of fear they have towards ideas. Ideas and words. Are we rearing the generation that will leave the nest only to recoil at the hideous discovery that there are people in the world, well meaning people, who disagree with mommy and daddy? Are we prepared for our children, on their own and moving as adults to collapse under the weight of disagreement the moment they leave the protective measure of their childhood homes?
For shame. For shame America for letting this situation ever arise. When did the failure come that allowed a fear of a simple idea or speech to be so dangerous as to crush their values?
Boobs and Nuts
I attempted to sidestep the man in the entrance when he spoke.
“That’s just disgusting.”
“Pardon?” I asked, unsure if the stranger was speaking to me.
He pointed lazily and nodded his head in the direction of a minivan some 40 feet away.
“It’s disgusting.” He said “Why’s she gotta be like that? Out in public and all?”
As an a Appalachian I was used to people referring to vehicles as ‘She’ but this was usually saved for a tractor, truck, boat, or muscle car, not a late model minivan.
“Pardon?” I said again, my brow furling, and a sense of intractable doom arising low in my gut.
“She is one of them women that has to go around hanging her tit out and showing off. It is just plain disgusting.”
I peered harder and through the reflections in the windshield I could indeed make out the figure of what appeared to be a woman. And she was huge!
“Her?” I asked, regretting my continuance of the conversation almost instantly.
“Yeah, her. That is gross. I don’t need to see that forced on me.” He said, wrinkling his nose and turning his body askance without breaking his direct gaze on the woman.
I leaned to the right and then to the left. At that point I could make out what was happening. A woman in her early 30’s was sitting in the front seat with a blanket strewn diagonally across her. With the information he man had added I realized that she was not huge but that the lump under the blanket was her child and was further left to assume that there must be a lump under the child that was breast tissue.
“A kid’s gotta eat.” I offered. “It’s not like she can go in and get him a corndog.”
“She can go home for that shit. She don’t need to be out here forcing her boobs on everyone.”
I paused. I felt she wasn’t doing anything wrong. I felt, in actuality, that she was doing everything she could to be discreet short of tinting her windows and building a cushion fort around her in the back of the van. But this is Appalachia and disagreement is a reason for violence in my town.
But isn’t an opinion exactly what this man was soliciting by starting a conversation with a stranger in front of a store? Was he not implying he wished to be engaged? And wasn’t all of nature on my side? Did prehistoric man tell mothers not to breastfeed in the group but rather to wander off alone in an environment filled with danger to care for their children?
Surely I could muster up a civil and convincing argument that would not just assuage this man’s anger but possibly even change his mind on this issue.
I mustered up my bravery and turned to him “Don’t you think…” but he was gone.
His wife had finished her shopping and gathered him off to his extended cab truck while I was attempting to gather my thoughts. I watched the two of them climb into their vehicle and wished I had spoken more quickly.
“Well, at least I am prepared for next time.” I said to my fiancée as I watched the sun glint of his TruckNuts as he drove across the lot.
“That’s just disgusting.”
“Pardon?” I asked, unsure if the stranger was speaking to me.
He pointed lazily and nodded his head in the direction of a minivan some 40 feet away.
“It’s disgusting.” He said “Why’s she gotta be like that? Out in public and all?”
As an a Appalachian I was used to people referring to vehicles as ‘She’ but this was usually saved for a tractor, truck, boat, or muscle car, not a late model minivan.
“Pardon?” I said again, my brow furling, and a sense of intractable doom arising low in my gut.
“She is one of them women that has to go around hanging her tit out and showing off. It is just plain disgusting.”
I peered harder and through the reflections in the windshield I could indeed make out the figure of what appeared to be a woman. And she was huge!
“Her?” I asked, regretting my continuance of the conversation almost instantly.
“Yeah, her. That is gross. I don’t need to see that forced on me.” He said, wrinkling his nose and turning his body askance without breaking his direct gaze on the woman.
I leaned to the right and then to the left. At that point I could make out what was happening. A woman in her early 30’s was sitting in the front seat with a blanket strewn diagonally across her. With the information he man had added I realized that she was not huge but that the lump under the blanket was her child and was further left to assume that there must be a lump under the child that was breast tissue.
“A kid’s gotta eat.” I offered. “It’s not like she can go in and get him a corndog.”
“She can go home for that shit. She don’t need to be out here forcing her boobs on everyone.”
I paused. I felt she wasn’t doing anything wrong. I felt, in actuality, that she was doing everything she could to be discreet short of tinting her windows and building a cushion fort around her in the back of the van. But this is Appalachia and disagreement is a reason for violence in my town.
But isn’t an opinion exactly what this man was soliciting by starting a conversation with a stranger in front of a store? Was he not implying he wished to be engaged? And wasn’t all of nature on my side? Did prehistoric man tell mothers not to breastfeed in the group but rather to wander off alone in an environment filled with danger to care for their children?
Surely I could muster up a civil and convincing argument that would not just assuage this man’s anger but possibly even change his mind on this issue.
I mustered up my bravery and turned to him “Don’t you think…” but he was gone.
His wife had finished her shopping and gathered him off to his extended cab truck while I was attempting to gather my thoughts. I watched the two of them climb into their vehicle and wished I had spoken more quickly.
“Well, at least I am prepared for next time.” I said to my fiancée as I watched the sun glint of his TruckNuts as he drove across the lot.
Hubris and Hubcaps
My father: “How long are you going to hit your head on that rock, boy?”
Me: “How long til the rock gives in?”
From Macbeth to Willie Loman literature, commonly referred to today as ‘entertainment’, has provided us with heroes. Tragic heroes. These heroes were there to teach us a lesson in the old days and modern heroes teach us a lesson as well, whether their creators intended it or not.
The tragic hero of old had a flaw, usually hubris, which leads to his downfall. Put simply, he was cocky. He was cocky and he got what was coming to him. Right before what was coming to him, well, came, he would have a moment where he realized he had screwed the pooch. The punishment would frequently outweigh the crime but that is the way of the world. The hero faced this, learned from his mistake and we all left the theater a little more prepared to take on the world and succeed.
Somebody needs to fill in John McClain. Or Rambo. On second thought, someone needs to fill in Hollywood. When we look at the modern hero he, too, has a tragic flaw, usually this same cockiness. He faces a huge problem caused by his flaw and the solution is, of course, to get even cockier. Once the hero goes form cocky to super cocky all his problems are solved.
Our modern heroes take on a big corporation or large gang of bad guys and get their tuckus kicked. They stop, reflect on their incredibly flawed plan in come obvious way- “Oh, maybe fighting 12 professional mob hit men who are Gulf War veterans with my rodeo skills from an ice cream truck wasn’t such a good idea!” And then realizes he could have won if he had just REALLY meant it. He just wasn’t angry enough, cocky enough; his spinners just weren’t as shiny as they could have been.
One video montage later our ‘hero’ has spit polished the spinners on his ice cream truck, practiced with his lasso for 45 minutes and now he REALLY MEANS IT. And if American storytelling since Vietnam provides us any lesson it is that you cannot lose if you really mean it. The 75 lb. math nerd who has never balled his fist CAN beat up the varsity linebacker if he just means it enough. The lone, alcoholic cop can stop the international terrorist cabal funded by $100 million dollars and full of professional mercenaries if he just really wants to. The scrappy tomboy with a skateboard can stop the multinational conglomerate from buying her grandmothers neighborhood if she will just truly want it to happen.
This is, at minimum, a dangerous lesson. Listen to the people around you. It is amazing how many of them are sure they cannot be defeated if the cause of the conflict is something they are passionate about. Passion trumps push-ups and group tactics? I don’t think so. The heroes always find that as their passions rise the incompetence of the highly trained and well funded increases. This inverse correlation makes for entertaining theater but it has also brainwashed a generation of Americans into believing that ‘plucky’ wins. Little hint for you: Plucky has its brains splattered on the pavement.
I do not mean to slam Hollywood for ruining us. Hollywood provides what people want. I cannot believe for a moment that this giant industry is going to risk the monstrous sums of cash it risks on each venture to make a point. They are in it for the money. And plucky brings money. Sadly.
So, who IS to blame? The audience. Yes, you. Yes, me. Stop it. The good guy loses all the time. Not every time but darned frequently. Why are we afraid to face this?
When I look up and see deluded morons protesting at town halls across America or deluded morons tying themselves to trees I always have the same thought come to mind: Movie Fan.
Polishing your spinners or tying on that headband will not do it, kids. No amount of video montage will either. Arming yourself with the fact and training and preparing a debate and research will change your situation. Nothing you have learned from escapist fantasy will. You see, escapist fantasy is about, get ready for it, escaping! It is about NOT facing reality.
If you still do not get my point I invite you by any weekend. I have a Rocky on DVD and it may help. Rocky gets his ass kicked in the second worst way and is proud he didn’t get it kicked in the worst way. This brilliant revelation is why I instantly forgive Sylvester Stallone for the hideously stanky flotsam he has foisted on me since. Pride in survival as winning. It is, unfortunately the most recent example I can think of. Thirty three years is a long time to wait to be inspired by truth. I guess I will polish my spinners and work with that lasso while I wait for America to get it.
My Liver is Failing, Will You Help?
What if it was my kidneys? Stomach cancer? I already get the feeling we have all piled in behind breast cancer and leukemia and we are all obviously about making sure old men can still get it up.
How about my brain? Your brain? How about the brain of the guy with the moldy rags and aluminum cans in a shopping cart? The young lady sneaking off to vomit…again? Your friend who secretly washes his hands 10 times after a trip to the bathroom? The co-worker who has lost all motivation?
Why is it that our society immediately piles in behind any number of afflictions that threaten or complicate the lives of those afflicted but still shun those with mental health issues? Is the brain not an organ? According to the National Institute of Mental Health around a quarter of all adult Americans suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder in any given year. This translates into over 50 million people. The most recent statistics from the CDC show less than 200,000 people being diagnosed with breast cancer in a year. Are we being rational in who we are walking around that track for? With 250 times as many people suffering from mental health issues as suffer from breast cancer; more than 200 times as many as leukemia, are we really being fair in our approach to disease?
The brain is the most complex and least understood organ of the body and arguably the most important. When did we quit caring about health above the neck?
No one mocks the cancer victim. No one sees a person made homeless from Crohn’s disease and is immediately disgusted by them. Why are we so biased against diseases of thought?
Mental health is also quite possibly the health issue with the most stigmas attached to it. I frequently hear that there is a thin line between genius and insanity but no one wants to mention the thin line between dumbass and insanity. Or mediocre and Clinical Depression. Or average and Bulimic.
Perhaps, for just a little while you could start considering Mental Illness as…illness. And illness surely brings forth sympathy, empathy and an urge to assist, yes?
Think about it. Think about it clearly and rationally. And while you are at it, be grateful you can. You may even find yourself in a position to help.
The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Usually. Well, sometimes.
"When a man finds a conclusion agreeable, he accepts it without argument,but when he finds it disagreeable, he will bring against it all the forces of logic and reason." -Thucydides
When will we make allowances in our system for a political version of Aiding and Abetting? Politicians take an oath of office. If you or I take an oath in a courthouse and lie there is a penalty...when will the elected be held to the same standard? Mistakes should not necessarily be punished. An obvious pattern of mistruth should be. Does a Congressman or Senator not have a responsibility as high as or higher than a court witness or someone filling out a tax form?
I frequently hear people boldly present the idea of “speaking truth to power” and while I support the concept I would much rather HEAR some truth FROM power. Whether the issue is Saddam Hussein having WMDs or being involved in 9/11 http://www.antiwar.com/rep/utley9.html or what the definition of ‘’sexual relations’ is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KiIP_KDQmXs I am deeply saddened by the correlation between leadership and mistruth.
Let me retract that last statement. I am deeply PISSED. ‘Kick somebody in the teeth’ pissed.
I was taught, as you probably were, that science was about finding the truth. Actual truth. Science was not about proving your idea or my idea but rather about finding out what idea held water. When my 7th grade science teacher explained that finding out my hypothesis was wrong was just as much a success as finding my hypothesis was correct I felt something akin to love. And not for Ms. Vance. The reward did not coming for being correct form the start but form being correct in the end. Encyclopedia Brown had already taught me this lesson but he did not present himself with the same authority as my science teacher. This spirit needs to be infused into the public debate.
The more information available to us the more I see people on both sides of any issue who are absolutely incapable of changing their mind. Should information not be bringing more and more of us to the same conclusions? I, personally, love being PROVED wrong. This does not happen because someone is louder than me, more insistent than me nor has more friends that share their idea than I do. It happens by using facts.
An anecdote is not a fact. A threat is not a fact. Disinformation does not become fact through repetition.
Truth. Bring me some truth.
I respect the person who can change their mind. I respect the person who wants to actually BE right, not the person who can convince the most people that they are right despite the facts.
I used to think that being wrong was punishment enough. Not anymore. If you have managed to thrust yourself into a decision making position in our government you should be held to a higher standard. Period. If you cannot hold yourself to that standard I will.
This necessity for the truth does not stop with politicians either. It needs to extend to the media. We regulate what claims can be made about products, foods and medicines, but we also have a court system that defends the right of a ‘news’ organization to lie: http://www.relfe.com/media_can_legally_lie.html Why is it that the makers of chocolate cake cannot deceive someone on how much fiber is in their product but media outlets can tell overt lies with impunity?
Do you want to improve your life? Do you want to improve the world left to your children? Then start making truth a priority. In fact, make it THE priority.
Mavericky Anniversary
A year ago today everyone outside Alaska was introduced to Sarah Palin. Right before her big speech Fred Thompson(actor) denounced Hollywood, Rudy Guliani (NY mayor) denonced being cosmopolitan, Mitt Romney (Gov. MA) denounced East coasters and they ...all pointed at the mixed race son fo a single parent, middle class home as an elitist. While running an Admiral's son who married a beer baron against him.
Thank you 2008 Republicans, for turning up the cognitive dissonance to 11 and showing just how backwards and evil politics could be.
I remember fondly how Repubs constantly said sexuality had nothing to do with it behind headlines of "McCain taps Palin" and shouts of "Drill, baby, drill!"
Of course, I believe she was the only candidate protected from witches: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iwkb9_zB2Pg&feature=related
And noone could doubt her experience: http://cache.deadspin.com/assets/images/deadspin/2008/08/sarahpalin01.jpg Lots of experience: http://www.giftsandfreeadvice.com/free_advice/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/sarah-palin-swimsuit-photo.jpg
And of course, now that we know she quits when criticized we can all feel a little better for having spurned this error, as a nation.
But lest I speak too much we shold pause and let Mrs. Palin speak for herself:
"As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where– where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border." --Sarah Palin, explaining why Alaska's proximity to Russia gives her foreign policy experience, interview with CBS's Katie Couric, Sept. 24, 2008
"I think on a national level your Department of Law there in the White House would look at some of the things that we've been charged with and automatically throw them out." --Sarah Palin, referring to a department that does not exist while attempting to explain why as president she wouldn't be subjected to the same ethics investigations that compelled her to resign as governor of Alaska, ABC News interview, July 7, 2009
She WAS very good with foriegn dignitaries: http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/sarahpalinvideos/youtube/palin-prank.htm
And she knew the law: "Well, let's see. There's ― of course in the great history of America there have been rulings that there's never going to be absolute consensus by every American, and there are those issues, again, like Roe v. Wade, where I believe are best held on a state level and addressed there. So, you know, going through the history of ... Read MoreAmerica, there would be others but ―" --Sarah Palin, unable to name a Supreme Court decision she disagreed with other than Roe vs. Wade What with Roe vs. Wade being THE law.
And she read EVERYTHING! "All of 'em, any of 'em that have been in front of me over all these years." --Sarah Palin, unable to name a single newspaper or magazine she reads, interview with Katie Couric
Her grasp of geography is brilliant: "They are also building schools for the Afghan children so that there is hope and opportunity in our neighboring country of Afghanistan."
Did I mention er grasp of the law? "[T]hey're in charge of the U.S. Senate so if they want to they can really get in there with the senators and make a lot of good policy changes that will make life better for Brandon and his family and his classroom." --Sarah Palin, getting the vice president's constitutional role wrong after being asked by a third grader what the vice president does
And she had an incredible grasp of legal statutes: "I'm the mayor, I can do whatever I want until the courts tell me I can't.'" --Sarah Palin, as quoted by former City Council Member Nick Carney, after he raised objections about the $50,000 she spent renovating the mayor's office without approval of the city council
McCain's aides remember her fondly: "A whack job." ―a top McCain adviser describing Palin, one-upping the McCain adviser who called her a "diva"
Women and Republicans praised her: "She's not prepared to be governor. How can she be prepared to be vice president or president? Look at what she's done to this state. What would she do to the nation?" ―Alaska State Senate President Lyda Green, who is a Republican
Of course, the country embraced her. McCain had chosen her and he was obviously an expert: "Our economy, I think, is still ― the fundamentals of our economy are strong." ―John McCain, Jacksonville, Fla., Sept. 15, 2008
But despite her gaffes you had to respect her honesty: "I'm very, very pleased to be cleared of any legal wrongdoing ... any hint of any kind of unethical activity there. Very pleased to be cleared of any of that." ―Palin, after an Alaska legislative report found she had broken the state's ethics law and abused her power in the Troopergate scandal
As well as McCain's honesty: "She's a partner and a soul-mate." ―McCain on Palin, whom he had met only once before selecting her to be his running mate
And we all know McCain knows how to deal wiht women: "At least I don't plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you cunt." ―McCain, to his wife, Cindy
She was QUITE prepared for the office: "As for that VP talk all the time, I'll tell you, I still can't answer that question until somebody answers for me what is it exactly that the VP does every day?" ―Palin
Sarah said: "Politics isn't just a game of competing interests and clashing parties. The people of America expect us to seek public office and to serve for the right reasons. And the right reason is to challenge the status quo and to serve the common good." and then she quit! You betcha!
"No one expects us to agree on everything. But we are expected to govern with integrity, good will, clear convictions, and ... a servant's heart." Uuunitl you quit.
We had to admire her clarity and energy knowledge: "A gasoline will help shape our economic future - the same way that oil has shaped our economic present."
And lastly, let us remember how she bravely stood against socialism....as governor of a state that gave every citizen $3,269 in 2008 just for being Alaskan.
I want to smell
I want to produce odors.
I know this may sound odd but let’s say one day I actually get to meet a rhinoceros up close and personal. They are darned near blind but have an amazingly sensitive sense of smell. As much as I may put on a suit for a showing or show up in work clothes to help a friend I could also produce an array of odors to not only share who I am and what I have done in the very recent past but to sincerely and strongly express myself in an olfactory way.
When I visited a friend’s house with a dog I could produce appropriate communications without anyone else in the room knowing. Instead of the Horse Whisperer I could be the Animal Odorizer. Through subtle, zen-like excretions I could, appease, entice and motivate our animal friends. I would transform our emotional attachment to the Mona Lisa or Swan Lake into a bouquet of aromas that would enhance our link to the animal kingdom.
The Sultan of Scent. Delegate de la Smells. Ambassador of Aroma. People could point me out to their friends and say “That, that is my friend Mark. He smells.” And say it proudly. I would make butterflies flock to me in public parks to entertain children. I would repel pigeons from great public artworks. I could reassure those animals still laboring for us, calm those who are reared solely to fuel us through their destruction and show true appreciation to those that perform for our amusement.
I want to produce odors.
I Want To Live in a Purple State or How Reagan and Lennon Saved My Soul
For most of my adult life it has been widely accepted as fact that humans and chimpanzees share over 90% of their DNA. This makes us very similar. What I recently found out, much to my amazement, was that we all share a little over 50% of our DNA with a banana. We’ll get back to this.
You see, I went to South Point High School and the Pointers rule and the Coal Grove Hornets suck. They are inferior both athletically and physically. Somehow, my cousin who went to Coal Grove got through college quicker than I did and could have kicked my ass any day of the week until we were at least in our twenties. How he managed this with a foundation from a school whose inferiority was exhorted by 15 girls in matching outfits on the sidelines of a sporting event is beyond me. I have to assume it was liberal bias or some conservative old boy network.
Within a few days of our High School graduation dates Ronald Reagan made me cry. Now this isn’t hard. I cry at good movies, moving music and I frequently cry at weddings. I find myself in tears nearly every time I hear of America’s war dead. I am a heterosexual, whitetail hunting, white male trained in more than one martial arts form and have lived in homes heated only by the wood I split and I cried like a hungry baby when Renne Zellweger said “You complete me.”
Reagan made me cry with a well crafted speech. When he spoke the words “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall.” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xK30k2WTxY0&feature=related I knew, right then, that my adult life had hope. We were all going to start working together. We. We. We Are the World. We Are the People. Would Lionel Richie and Billy Joel lie to me?
John Lennon was dead but was still everywhere I turned insisting we Come Together and Imagine. A peacemaker’s face made of squiggly rainbow lines seemed as prevalent and commercially viable as the Nike Swoosh for a few short years. The late 80’s and early 90’s seemed to almost audibly hear America letting loose a deeply held breath from the Cold War.
It took a more cynical human being to explain to me in later years that The New World Order wasn’t the kind of order I had been hoping for. In the same vein I was disconcerted to learn that NO FEAR wasn’t about creating a safe environment for mutual respect. And I loved the NO FEAR concept. I wanted to live in a NO FEAR world. Eliminating fear seems a better goal than eliminating mosquitoes, polio or the national debt.
It seems we have traded Mr. Gorbachev’s single huge wall for ten thousand electric fences. It seems as Americans we are specializing in producing this fence. Monotheist vs. monotheist and you suck for listening to that punk band instead of this one. And now, for those of you paying attention, we get back to the bananas.
It is as if we have chosen to eat together. Upon this decision we have all agreed to the same city, same street, same time, and same restaurant. Having chosen the same seat and the same sandwich we continue to break out in huge brawls over whether the person to the left of us is using enough horsey sauce on their chipped beef sandwich. Think about it. The major conflict in the world seems to be between two monotheistic religions that both have holy texts claiming we should not kill, lie, or be envious. Both groups claim greed is bad and compassion is good. Both claim an eternal reward for decent behavior and we have folks lining up to kill and be killed over who gets credit for commanding them to do act nearly identically. It is two men in a dark room with a spare light bulb killing each other over whether Edison invented or perfected the incandescent bulb. IN THE DARK.
I, personally, will attempt to find more similarities. When I consider that I am 50% similar to a banana I have to be able to find some common ground with you, right? Is it not enough? Is sharing the basis of our biology not enough? How about sharing a small rock in a largely inhospitable universe? How about the sheer odds of you and I being alive at the same time?
I am not asking you to attend a gay pride parade or watch FOX news. I am asking you to let someone else get away with it.
My father stressed to me repeatedly that the only cause for violence is violence. Call me a name, mock my shirt, and insult my mother. I don’t care. Throw a punch and it is on. I have had my butt kicked before; I have no problem testing that again IF someone else introduces violence. I think most people would agree. I am going to attempt to take that one step further and I invite you to come along. How about we try only being intolerant of intolerance?
How about a big nativity scene at a City Hall where gays can get married? I’ll bring the bananas.
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